A Successful Summer of Fostering

Contribution by a seasoned foster parent

As a longtime foster parent of teenagers who are now adults, I still struggle to find the words to fully express how profoundly fostering has shaped my life in the most beautiful ways. Now in their early and mid-twenties, the positive impact my young adult children have had on me far outweighs anything I could ever claim to have done to improve their lives.

The road was not always easy. At different points, I was parenting anywhere from one to four teenage girls at a time, alongside two younger children. There was drama and plenty of typical teen behavior. It could be exhausting and overwhelming, but even in the hardest seasons, the laughter, shared memories, and milestone moments far outweighed the normal teenage challenges that came along with it.

To be completely honest, that first summer of fostering was really hard. Having everyone home all day, every day, pushed me to my limits. The house was messier, the noise was nearly constant, my grocery bill quadrupled, and it often felt like every inch of my home was occupied at all times. By July 1, I found myself counting down the days until school started again. As July turned into August, my patience wore thin. I was more easily annoyed, and self-doubt began creeping in. I’m not proud to admit that I questioned whether I was truly capable of parenting this many children and youth well. I felt like I was losing my sense of self and had no identity beyond constantly meeting everyone else’s needs.

Did I have thoughts about disrupting some placements? Yes. Did I ever act on them or voice them aloud? No. But I can honestly acknowledge those very real, very human inner struggles.

Everything began to shift when another foster parent helped me recognize the root of my burnout. The children and youth in my care were home with me one hundred percent of the time, all summer long. That is not normal for teens or school-aged children. Looking back, I felt foolish for not realizing sooner that summer programs, camps, volunteer opportunities, and jobs could benefit us all.

The following spring, I made a plan. When summer arrived, I was ready:

• My mindset shifted to a summer of practicing Independent Living Skills for all teenagers and our elementary-age child, which she thought was really cool

• We laid out the shopping budget, looked at grocery ads, and planned out our grocery trips and meals together

• Each teen and child was responsible for creating a family meal each week, with adult guidance as needed

• I stopped purchasing pop and sugary snacks, and if they wanted junk food, they had to earn the money themselves

• All of my teenagers were required to either work or volunteer consistently

• My elementary-aged daughter started a small neighborhood dog-sitting business

• All teenagers attended a local youth group together once a week

• Each of them attended a summer camp for at least one week

• I coordinated child swaps with a close friend, knowing that youth are often happily occupied when friends are over and that taking turns hosting gave us both meaningful breaks

• We instituted family house cleaning for one hour every Saturday, playing fun music, and each choosing household cleaning responsibilities to complete together to make it fun

• Each teen and child had a dedicated day and were responsible for their own laundry

• We also planned our family vacation together, with everyone helping research budget-friendly travel options and taking ownership of the planning process

With these pieces in place, the summers looked completely different moving forward. It was far more sustainable and far more supportive of self-care for everyone. My teenagers were tired in the best possible way. Between working, volunteering, attending youth group, and participating in summer programs, they came home ready to shower, relax briefly, eat awesome dinners, and sleep well. Their minds were engaged and occupied. Anxiety quieted. Overthinking decreased. Behaviors improved, and fulfillment increased. And the pride they displayed in their sense of independence, especially in cooking, was an honor to witness. We made incredible memories, reinforcing that the little things really are the big things.

Placement disruptions can cause deep harm to youth, resulting in feelings of abandonment that many youth experiencing foster care already carry. The guilt associated with disruptions is something many foster parents struggle with long after the decision is made.

Make a plan for this summer beginning in March or April. Create space for meaningful memories, a healthy balance, and rest. And just as importantly, make sure you plan time for yourself.

To help in your summer planning, we have compiled a Comprehensive List of Family Resources and Foster Friendly Camps. Your NYAP team is also happy to help you make plans for a meaningful and healthy summer full of memories.

If you are interested in learning how you can become a foster parent with an organization that provides 24/7 support and walks alongside you every step of the way, visit nyap.org/fostercare.