Fostering & The Holidays: 10 Tips for Making Memories While Reducing Holiday Stress
October through January includes many celebratory holidays and observations, and a significant seasonal shift. While the holidays are a time filled with excitement, foster families may also experience additional stress. Between shifting schedules, children and youth’s grief, and changing family dynamics, this time of year can feel overwhelming. At NYAP, we know that families can reduce holiday stress with preparation, patience, and compassion while creating lasting memories with children and youth in their care.
Here are 10 tips to help foster families navigate the holiday season.
click on each topic to read a more detailed description.
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Many children and youth enter care during the holiday season due to increased family stress, financial challenges, or household crises such as lack of heat, food, or water. These stressors can result in an increased incidence of abuse or neglect. Substance use may also rise as families cope with added stressors and strong emotions that may be present. This means we typically see an increase in children and youth needing safe and temporary homes, and behavioral changes in those already in care. Preparing ahead for additional children or youth by buying extra household supplies and groceries, establishing flexible routines, and maintaining an open heart can help make these transitions easier.
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The holidays put pressure on everyone. Between additional household tasks, higher expectations, and the complexities of blending family traditions with fostering, things can get tough. It is important to acknowledge your own stress and take extra self-care steps to help balance the additional weight of caring for children and youth experiencing foster care. Acknowledging your stress instead of pushing it aside allows you to simplify where possible and make plans to take more time for yourself. Children and youth benefit more from a relaxed, grounded foster parent than from an elaborate holiday production.
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For children and youth experiencing foster care, the holidays often magnify feelings of loss. They may feel hopeless about reunification, angry at parents, or sad about missing family traditions. They might worry about their parents’ well-being, resist emotional closeness, or experience sensory overload due to loud, chaotic holiday celebrations. Keeping routines consistent and limiting detailed holiday planning conversations until close to the event can minimize anxiety. The negative acting out sometimes seen in children and youth at this time of year often stems from grief or fear rather than defiance, so give the children and youth in your care space to cry, talk, or withdraw when needed.
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During the holidays, behaviors often escalate. Children and youth may act out due to sadness, grief, or disappointment. Some may fear rejection or feel unworthy of celebration. Try to view their negative behaviors through the lens of trauma. Offer coping strategies, make compromises where you can, and gently redirect when you see their anxiety building. Use time-ins instead of time-outs, use gentle humor as appropriate, play festive music, and remind them of fun activities ahead. If possible, host holiday gatherings at your home so they have the comfort of their room to retreat to if their emotions begin to run high.
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Every family celebrates differently. For a child or youth experiencing foster care, seeing their traditions dismissed or ignored can intensify feelings of loss. Ask about their favorite holiday memories. Learn how their family celebrates and incorporate those practices whenever possible. Even small nods to their traditions can help them feel seen and respected.
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Over-the-top gifts can overwhelm children and youth or make them feel guilty if their family has not been in a position to give or receive as much. Keeping all household gifts modest and balanced, such as three to four items per child, often feels more comfortable. Experience-based gifts like movie tickets or a day trip create lasting memories. Thoughtful does not have to mean expensive, but it does need to be fair. All children in the household should receive the same number and quality of gifts if gift-giving is part of your traditions.
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Children and youth feel valued when they contribute. Involve them in choosing or wrapping gifts, decorating the home, or planning activities like baking cookies or watching favorite movies. If appropriate, help them prepare a gift for their primary family, such as a framed school photo, handmade crafts, or other simple gifts. Work with caseworkers ahead of time to arrange phone calls or visits with their family during the holiday, which can ease grief and strengthen connections.
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Holiday stress is easier to manage when shared. Swap childcare with other foster families so you have time to shop or wrap gifts. Plan respite when possible to give yourself time to recover during winter break. Research childcare options early, like Boys & Girls Clubs or YMCA programs. Due to the potential for financial stress, reduce that stress by requesting that extended family give a family gift, or divide gift giving by drawing names between all children and youth, and establish limits to what may be spent.
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Holiday chaos can create stress for everyone. Finishing your preparations as early as possible helps shift the focus from last-minute stress to quality time. Use a spreadsheet or checklist to track gifts and activities and stay mindful of your budget. Presence matters far more than presents.
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At the heart of the holidays is connection, not perfection. Create simple traditions like Advent calendars, family movie nights, crafts, or baking together. Let children and youth take turns choosing activities, starting with children and youth in your care, so they feel wanted and included. Keep outings minimal to reduce overstimulation and carve out quiet time for family closeness.
Final Thoughts
The holidays can be both challenging and magical for foster families. By preparing for transitions, simplifying expectations, and honoring each child and youth's unique needs, families can reduce stress while crafting meaningful connections and traditions.