How Foster Parents Can Help Schools Understand & Support Children from Hard Places
As foster parents, you may be the safe adult in a child's life following a traumatic experience. You’ve seen the challenges children face when entering new environments, especially schools, where their behaviors are often misunderstood. Trauma doesn’t disappear at the classroom door, and unfortunately, many schools are not equipped with the training or tools to understand or respond to it effectively. That’s where you come in.
You are more than caregivers; you are advocates, and your voice can play a powerful role in helping schools create trauma-informed environments. By partnering with teachers and administrators, you can help shift the lens through which children from hard places are seen from “What’s wrong with this child?” to “What happened to this child, and how can we help?”
Why Trauma Training Matters in Education
Trauma deeply affects brain development, emotional regulation, memory, and the ability to form trusting relationships. Children in foster care may come to school with complex trauma histories including abuse, neglect, separation, and grief. They often present these experiences not through words, but behaviors. When misunderstood, these behaviors can be misdiagnosed as defiance, ADHD, or laziness. This misinterpretation can lead to inappropriate disciplinary actions, suspensions, and missed educational opportunities for the sake of efficiency and following of school policies, thus completely missing the necessity of the child’s desperate need for trusted, human relationships in the school environment, where they spend 1/3 of their childhood.
Trauma training gives educators the skills to recognize trauma’s impact and respond with empathy, structure, and support. It transforms classrooms into safe spaces where children can learn and heal, ultimately reducing the amount of time spent on unnecessary behavioral referrals. Here’s how you can help!
One effective way to introduce trauma-informed practices into schools is by sharing evidence-based resources and offering to facilitate or recommend book studies.
The following books are powerful tools for creating dialogue and understanding between foster parents and educators:
The Whole-Brain Child by Dr. Daniel J. Siegel and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson
This accessible guide explains how children’s brains work and develop, and how trauma can disrupt this process. It gives educators practical strategies for helping students self-regulate, integrate logic and emotion, and build resilience.
The Connected Child by Dr. Karyn Purvis, Dr. David Cross, and Wendy Lyons Sunshine
This foundational text in trauma-informed care helps adults understand how to connect with and guide children from difficult backgrounds. Dr. Purvis’s research focuses on Trust-Based Relational Intervention (TBRI), a framework that many foster parents already use. Offering this book to teachers or school counselors can be a great first step in aligning home and school approaches.
The A-Z of Therapeutic Parenting by Sarah Naish
This book is a go-to resource for understanding trauma-driven behaviors and how to respond to them with compassion and consistency. While written for parents, the principles easily apply to educational settings.
The First Days of School by Dr. Harry Wong and Rosemary Wong
Though not trauma-specific, this classic on classroom management emphasizes the importance of building structure, consistency, and connection from day one, key needs for children from foster care. Trauma-informed educators understand that routines and predictability help students feel safe, and this book supports that framework.
How Foster Parents Can Be Partners with Schools
It’s important to approach schools as allies rather than critics. Many teachers are eager to learn but are overwhelmed with competing demands. Here’s how you can be supportive:
Be Transparent About Your Child’s Needs
Without oversharing, give context that helps your child’s teacher see behavior through a trauma-informed lens.
Encourage Empathy Over Labels
Help staff understand that what looks like “manipulation” may be survival behavior.
Celebrate Progress
Let’s be clear, most teachers became teachers because they are passionate about children...just like you. But let’s also be clear that teaching is HARD, and the policies, red tape, and demands are not for the weak. (I’m sure you can empathize, foster parent.) Acknowledge when a teacher goes above and beyond. It builds goodwill and momentum for continued learning and strengthens your partnership with them.
Creating trauma-informed classrooms won’t happen overnight. However, when foster parents and educators work together, the result is a school culture that is safer, more responsive, and ultimately more effective for all students.
By sharing knowledge and resources, particularly these foundational books, you can empower teachers to become not just instructors but healers, helping children from hard places succeed not only academically, but also socially and emotionally. At the end of the day, a trauma-informed school will make your life much more enjoyable and less stressful.
You’ve got this. You are doing a great job.
If you need support and assistance sharing information with your struggling child’s school, do not hesitate to invite your NYAP team to the table to offer advocacy for you and your youth in care. We are here to walk alongside you throughout your journey.
If you would like to become a foster parent with NYAP, request an info call at nyap.org/fostercare